Friday, April 15, 2011

13 years ago today

April 15, 1998 is a significant date in my history.  It's a date that for many years I wanted to forget.  But now it's a date I look back on with thanksgiving in my heart and praise on my lips.  Watch and see.


Tracey Crosby: To Live is Christ from Reston Bible Church on Vimeo.

Alan has been trying to get me to write down my testimony for years.  I just couldn't.  I wanted to, but the words just wouldn't come. 

After I heard Ann Voskamp speak at the Relevant conference last fall I felt like it was time to start sharing my story.  Because story is all we have.  If I am keeping my story quiet how can I give full glory to God?  The God who spared me from my first suicide attempt on April 15, 1998.

So, back in February I called the Director of Women's ministry at our church and invited her over for coffee.  I had no idea what I wanted to come of it but I thought she was a good place to start. 

What came from our 3 hour coffee date was twofold.  She invited me to video tape my testimony and share it at our women's retreat.  (Which I wasn't attending because of a sweet, smiling, nursing newborn.)  She also asked if I would be interested in co-leading a post-abortion bible study.  WOW.  I never expected either of those things to happen over 3 hours of coffee. 

I needed to get some distance between myself and San Francisco before I was able to share all this, but what an amazing God we serve that he allowed me to.  Little old me.

Gypsy Mama gave us the prompt "On Distance" for 5 minute Friday today and even though this story has been a lifetime in the making, this post wasn't. 

29 comments:

  1. I. Am. Bawling.

    Tracey, this is so amazingly beautiful - where you feel most vulnerable is where your life becomes art, my friend. And my favorite part of this video? At the end, in the fade out, that God-painted smile that spreads across your face. Oh. My. Word.

    more tears.

    #brave #life #beauty

    love.

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  2. That is beautiful. I am so moved by the strength that it too for you to share your life story to help others for the glory of God. I think that was the best 'Five Minutes' I've spent in a long time.

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  3. I am touched...thank you for taking the courage. That was not easy, but it will bless many.

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  4. Thank you, thank you for sharing. What an amazing love story between you and Christ. Isn't life wonderful when we finally figure out that happily ever after means eternity with Him, starting right now?! And I agree with Emily - the beautiful smile at the end was my favorite part. So glad I stopped in from Lisa Jo's - God bless you -

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  5. I am so very, very grateful for the miracle of your life!! I know God will be using you to reach so many people with your testimony. He will reward your courage and your faithfulness.

    My life is better because of you sissy! Love, Gina

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  6. my beautiful and sweet friend!

    this was so wonderfully reflective of God's deep and abiding love for us. thank you for surrendering this heart close story to the Lord and His glory.

    you are awesome and brave and beautiful and He delights in you!

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  7. friend. God is so good. and YOU, you are so beautiful.

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  8. This is the second time I've heard your testimony and yet it still brings me to tears. I love how you love the Lord. May He strengthen you with the fulness of his joy. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  9. Tracy,
    I love you so much! Your story, though difficult, is so beautiful. What an example you are to people who think they are too far gone to be loved by God. What an example it is to those who doubt the forgiveness of God. What an example to those who desperately seek a "new life". What an example it is to me. You are so very, very precious! I am so thankful that God blessed me with your friendship.
    Traci

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  10. Tracy,
    i just saw the video! it was beautiful! i was touched by all the pain you suffered. but i loved how you told your story b/c the emphasis was on the grace of God in your life!
    i don't think i met you at relevant10 but your face looks familiar. i think will probably be linking to this video on my blog soon.
    i know this was a difficult story to tell. be assured that the end result was that God WAS glorified in the story. i'm sure that is what you wanted:)

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  11. I saw your tweet yesterday and I knew something was going on over here, then this morning Emily asked me if I watched your video yet and she said, "whatever you do, make sure you don't stop it even a few seconds early."

    Thank you for sharing your story my dear, dear friend. I cannot wait to see you in October!

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  12. I've know the biggest part of your life how special you are... You may not have recognized how dynamic you are but those of us who always loved you always knew. You are special in so many ways and God has blessed you so many times over. Your story is most special because you can prove that Gods blessings are available to all who ask for his love and forgiveness. Each of us come to our father when our heart is open to receive. The best part of the video is the end when we can see you releived smile, your happy heart. God is good all the time....All the time God is good....
    Beth Prince

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  13. Tracey, what a beautiful testimony! Glory to God for His redemption and great mercy!

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  14. I love you Tracey. I am weeping at the heartache but also at the amazing redemption of our Savior. Your story is hard to imagine from what I know of your deep joie de vivre that you show now in life to those around you. I am so thankful for the unknown John who held you to that bridge and the very well known JESUS who strengthened his hand. I will be praying for you as you lead what is sure to be an emotional study at church. How blessed your children are to call you mommy!

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  15. I am so proud of you Tracey!!! What a beautiful way to share our need for a Savior....and we all need Him! I am so glad to call you friend and so glad he placed you in my life. You are precious!!!
    Love you,
    Cyndi

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  16. Isn't Jesus wonderful!?? :)

    Like you I too have been rescued from the pit of despair and hopelessness! Praise Jesus!

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  17. ABSOLUTELY amazing... What courage you have and what a testimony to share... I am glad the words came... Such a precious gift of words, that might be able to help someone else through tough times... Praise...

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  18. Tracey,
    I have not had to endure many of the struggles that you've faced. Nevertheless, I have been redeemed by the same Savior. Thank you for sharing your story. What a blessing this will be to many.

    At the end, when you smiled and sighed, it looked as though a huge weight had been lifted from you, and surely God was saying, "Well done good and faithful servant!" {HUGS!} ~Sally

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  19. Hi. I'm Julie. I found you from Five Minute Friday. All I can say is, "WOW! What a testimony!" God's grace is so huge. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.

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  20. Just came across your blog today. Thank you for sharing.. I cried... and I smiled with you at the end. :)

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  21. Oh, Tracey. Like Emily, I am bawling. I knew just a teeny bit of this story...I'm so very thankful to know it better now. You are so beautiful, and the love of Christ glows from your sweet face. I know without a shadow of doubt that your story will be used by God in mighty, mighty ways. I love you, girl.

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  22. Tracey, you are a true testament of God's love and power! He loved you then and he loves you now. God has delivered you and the person you have become is YOUR gift to him!
    Thank you for sharing your awesome story and for allowing me to rejoice at his greatness one more time!

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  23. Wow! I'm so impressed with your courage to share and am constantly reminded of God's grace and goodness! Your story also touches me as a mom, because of all your mom did for you as well. She's a special lady! I'm praying that your pain and victory will touch someone else in a similar situation.

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  24. Thank you for sharing your heart and for bringing glory to Jesus! Your husband is absolutely right- you do need to share your story and I am so thankful that you did!

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  25. Tracey: Thank you for sharing your story. I am so glad that you have been able to find strength in Christ and that He has led you to a much happier place in life. Thank you, again, for sharing this here.

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  26. I just found your testimony because you posted a comment on another blog. I don't know you at all, but just wanted to let you know what an encouragement your story was to me. I love hearing people's "God story". Every one is so unique and so carefully orchestrated by God. Thank you for having the courage to give God the glory and share times that you might rather forget. It was an encouragement to me today.

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  27. Tracey - I was just checking your blog (sorry - it's been awhile since I've visited) and came across your testimony on this post. I was in tears watching you share the heartbreak you have endured in your life. Thank you for sharing how God has used you and how He has transformed your life. I'm amazed by His love and amazing grace and I know God is using your story to minister to others. So blessed to have met you at Relevant and thankful for your sweet spirit!

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  28. Amazing, amazing story. I have no doubts that God gave you those thoughts of the afterlife on the bridge to save you, but also that He does the same on the way down for those who choose to jump. That is just how merciful and in love with us He is. Can't wait to see you at Relevant!

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  29. I just stumbled on your blog today. Someone had pinned a picture of you and your children on Pinterest and wrote "I love this photo. I love this mama." This picqued my curiosity so I explored your site a bit.
    What a moving story you have and what a courageous person you are to share. I truly believe that we never know the ripple effect (big or small) our actions (big or small) may have on others.
    I am so happy for you, that you have found happiness.
    God Bless you,
    Patricia

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